We all see the headlines every day and some days there are headlines we would like to see. Below are a few we like to see in tomorrow mornings headlines:
Sheriff Joe Arpaio Arrests Governor Jan Brewer
05.13.2012: Yesterday afternoon Sheriff Joe Arpaio held Governor Jan Brewer for questioning in regards to being a female impersonator. Sheriff Joe was reportedly demanding Governor Brewer disrobe and prove his/her gender based on her veto of two bills that he backed including the “birther bill” and a bill that would have permitted guns on college campuses. Sheriff Joe said no one without balls could have went against his support of these bills and was determined to prove it.
Mitt Romney Declares Credit For Discovering America
05.13.2012: In a statement released by Romney's campaign staff, Mitt Romney declared that it was his lack of conviction and beliefs that allowed him to channel the desires of the Tea Party and the Religious Right so that in his view he could see the real undiscovered American and asks congress to replace Columbus in all text books with himslef as the person that really discovered America.
Pat Robertson And Brian Fisher In Fist Fight
05.13.2012: During yesterdays radio address when Brian Fisher was taking credit for making Mitt Romney bend to his will, Pat Robertson interrupted the broadcast indicating he deserved the credit. After a heated exchange between the two including the throwing of stones and decrying each as the Anti-Christ a fist fight broke out. Both sides agreed to for a rematch in Megiddo after after a few swings both were exhausted and fell to the floor and were reportedly speaking in tongues.
Guinness Book Of World Records Announces New Categories
05.13.2012: In a surprise announcement the Guinness Book of World Records released several new categories to be included in their next edition. When asked about the new categories the long running publication released a statement saying that the Tea Party and Religious Right had reached levels of absurdity in 2012 that had never been seen before by the human race. For this reason to assure that they were encompassing all world records as is their objective that the would forced to include: Most intolerant, biggest lie, greatest degree of ignorance, most audacious, and highest disregard for the public good. Guinness said that the records are being broken just about every day by someone in the Tea Party or the Religious Right and they have not yet been able to determine a winner. Guinness did say they will have a cut off on Tuesday, November 6th, 2012.
Ted Nugent Arrested For Reckless Shooting
05.13.2012: A judge in Jackson MI upheld the arrest and arraignment of so called Rock Star Ted Nugent for shooting off his mouth while on probation for the unlawful killing a bear in Alaska. In a written opinion judge Joseph Right said that Mr. Nugent was in violation of his parole by shooting his mouth off and killing civility. Mr. Nugent was released on bail and fitted with a mouth gag until his next court appearance to protect the public.
Iranian Leader Ayatollah Khamenei Asks Republicans For Help
05.13.2012: The leader of Iran, Ayatollah Khamenei asks the Republican Party, specifically the Religious Right, to move to the left in an unprecedented request. The Ayatollah has communicated that the Religious Right in the US was weakening his ability to govern as his surrogates expect him to always be to the right of anyone in the US and he can not find a way to move to the right of them. The Ayatollah has indicated he is finding it harder to maintain control as his surrogates are trying to have Rick Santorum, Pat Robertson, or Tony Perkins replace him and are distributing ballots to have the entire government replaced by the US Republican House of Representatives.
Rush Limbaugh Shocked to Find That Most Rush Babes Were Transvestites
05.13.2012: During a new conference yesterday while Rush Limbaugh was bragging about the number of Rush Babes that have signed up on his web site he was stunned and speechless for the first time when told that 99% of the names on his list were transvestites that were using his web site to advertise for their upcoming Las Vegas show. He was also shocked to find that the only three real signatures from women on his site were Governor Jan Brewer, Sarah Palin, and Barbara Bachman. When asked why his current wife had not signed his wife answered for him by saying that she had unanswered questions about her husbands true sexual orientation and did not want to sign up to be a lesbian supporter as she believed Rush was trans-gender.