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Nation:
It is my obligation to inform you of the assault on our right to remain ignorant that is being inflicted on our nation by one Mr. Stephen Colbert. That is why I must give a "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" to Mr. Colbert for trying to destroy our cause of remaining oblivious to the truth.
Yesterday a friend made a comment to me regarding who they believed was the most patriotic American today. I am not sure exactly why but my first thought was a statement from George Carlin relating to who he thought the bravest man to have ever lived was. Not Columbus for sailing into the unknown, not the first astronaut to enter space, and not Alexander the Great, but the first person to drink milk. As I remember his reasoning for this was something about having the courage to see a two thousand pound animal standing in a field and deciding they were going to go suck on it's udder to see what they would get. This then lead to the thought that I believe that Stephen Colbert may be the most patriotic and courageous American of our time for his efforts to enlighten us through humor. Granted this is a convoluted trip to come to this conclusion and you are free to disagree.
Stephen has taken on gay rights, Super PAC's, many politicians, world leaders, food safety, global warming, health care, banks, corporations, news departments, airlines, terrorism, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, the military, child labor, women's rights, contraception, religion, parenthood, animal rights, and much more. The real shame here is those who need this humor the most are the ones that do not watch or can not understand, for if if they did, Stephen would be out of work.
Nation: It is obvious Mr. Colbert is using a powerful subliminal broadcast to make me believe he is one of the most patriotic Americans as he has gotten through my patented aluminium foil shield that I use when watching his show. He has managed to indoctrinate me into his group of followers. Save yourselves, as it appears it is to late to save me from enlightenment.
If you need proof, here are some of the most incendiary quotes to our cause by Mr. Colbert:
“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.”
“Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.”
“Equations are the devil's sentences.”
“Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!”
“I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of.”
“I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.”
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.”
“I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.”
“A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?”
“If I had a dime for every time that I was wrong, I'd be broke.”
“Agnostics are just atheists without balls.”
“Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones, created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio, and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh, and every-body's high!”
Nation it is time for the "The Word" on this subject:
We must counter act the truth that Mr. Colbert is so adept at pointing out. To this end we are announcing today our exploratory committee to form a Super Pac named "SavingIgnoranceTodayTomorrow" to counter Mr. Colbert's assault on our ignorance.
This Super Pac will be dedicated to getting Mr. Colbert simulcast on Fox News, beginning a Twitter campaign of "Not Afraid to be Wrong to be Right", exposing the truth for what it is, producing bumper stickers and bill boards indicating "I am Not Afraid to be Wrong to be Right", and assuring the wisdom of Abraham, Martin, and John are no longer carried on by Stephen, Bill, and John.
Mr. Colbert's courage and wit to continue to be right by being wrong cannot be tolerated any longer. If this is allowed to continue, everyone may see our heros (Sarah, Rick, Barbara, and Newt) as being flawed. If that happens, our old enemy "The Truth" may have to be dealt with. I shudder to think.
Nation - it is now up to you: Expose the truth for what it is and do not be afraid to be wrong to be right. Get the word out via any method you can to all your conservative friends that they must be vigilant or suffer the same fate that has befallen me.
Save Yourselves, Nation!
Edited 02.17.2012 4:51PM All our best wishes for Stephen Cobert, Lorna Colbert, and all the Colbert family.
Edited 02.22.2012 8:30AM We are glad that she is "Tough as Nails" and that you are back.
T1Truth
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